A Deeper Me

So I need to admit something. I am not very deep. Some of you probably have already come to this realization. I am sure I have my moments occasionally but overall I feel that I am lacking. I tried Women's Study for awhile but always left feeling worse about myself because for one I don't like sharing and for another I never received the emotional moving that others seemed to be feeling. I often times feel envious reading all the blogs because everyone has these great insights to share and I make "Wish Lists" and "Reasons I Know I am Pregnant".
Now the big problem is not the blogs or Women's Group it is my relationship with Christ. I love the Lord and I feel for the most part I lead my life that way but when it comes to the intimacy part-well like I said I am lacking. People talk about the Lord leading them and speaking to them. They are moved tremendously when they read the Word. When I read the Bible most of the time I might as well be reading the dictionary. This doesn't mean that I don't see God working in my life. I see Him answering prayers and showing me things all the time. I just wish that I would feel that deep one on one connection with Him. That when I read a verse on how much He loved me that I would feel that he was speaking directly to me and that they weren't just words.
Now this isn't a post where you all have to try and make me feel better or give me the answers because thankfully I know what the problem is. I am not letting Him connect with me one on one through the Word. How can I when I don't give Him my time and energy? If I spent half the time reading the Bible as I do these blogs then maybe I wouldn't have a post to write right now. I already spoke to a few of you today about how I look for fulfillment from other people when I am not letting God be the one to fulfill me. If I don't let Him be the one to fulfill my every need then it will be a constant issue. The challenge will be to let that happen. So I will be making a commitment to reach that goal. You can be praying for me.

My Hubby

I thought Rod's was so entertaining I thought I would do Chad's. I have to say I like the Patrick Dempsey choice. Not so much liking Clay Aiken similarity!

Not Too Sure

I think Jessica Lange is like 60 now and most of these people I dont' recognize. I did this several times with different pictures and each time they came up with a lot of asian actresses. I think I am going to look into my roots.

I Wish...

I know it isn't pleasant but can I just have a total pity party post? I am going to assume you all said "yes" since you are so sweet. Here goes...

I wish my house wasn't always a mess.
I wish I had enough money to have a housekeeper.
I wish I didn't have to work.
I wish my daughter didn't start school at 7:45am
I wish my husband cooked.
I wish I wasn't one of those women who gain more than 50lbs. when they are pregnant.
I wish I loved to exercise.
I wish I didn't always have 15 million things to do.
I wish I didn't always forget the 15 million things I had to do.
I wish I lived in East county so I could be closer to all my favorite people.

Okay I have a lot more but it isn't helping to whine about it so I am going to go make a list of all the things I am thankful for before someone reminds me.

Thanks for listening.

Soak Zone

There are a lot of times where I wonder what I was thinking. Yesterday was one of them. We went to Sea World with our new passports and decided to view the Dolphin Show. I had not been to this show in years so I was a little naive when it came to the "soak zone". Haley begged me to sit with her smack in the middle of it. I made her promise she wasn't going to cry or whine about being wet. Mind you no one was at Sea World yesterday except us so there weren't a lot of other bodies around to help out. I was thinking to myself "How much could dolphins really splash?". After the show I was thinking, "Why am I so stupid?".
Haley was very excited after the first splash which was minimal compared to what was to come. I asked her if we could go join daddy and Ella way up in the rafters but she still remained firm in her desire. I should have tried harder. I watched in disbelief as the trainer actually lined up the dolphin's tail to where we were sitting and not once, not twice, but three times sent a wall of water over us. I might as well have jumped in the tank. I probably could have handled the cold, but the combination of salt water, jeans, and pregnancy just don't mix. Not to mention I didn't enjoy smelling like an aquarium. It took me an hour to get my pants back up after visiting the restroom. As we were trying to make our way to the car Haley slowed down and called me over to apologize for saying she wouldn't cry or whine. I told her she was doing great. As she started sobbing I realized she was giving me the apology ahead of time. It was a very long walk out to the car. The good news is I will never have to sit in the soak zone again.

Grasp on Reality

So let me start off by saying. IT'S A BOY!!! I think most of you already know but just in case word didn't spread.
I was struck all day with signs that children of a young age have a really hard time grasping all of these concepts that are coming along with being pregnant. My day started with a phone call at 7:50 am (my day to sleep in so I wasn't very excited about it). Anyway it was from a mom at Haley's school. Haley is friends with her daughter so we chat occasionally but that is about it. Anyway she wanted to say "congratulations" she didn't even realize I was pregnant but I guess my 6 year old at 7:45 am this morning invited her to my baby shower (that is at least 3 months away). Remind me to add her to the invite list in a couple of months.
The day continued on with my ultrasound appointment which went fine. We were going to take Ella but she didn't want to go. I don't think she quite knew how they were going to see the baby so she wanted no part of it in case it required "surgery".
We then went to Haley's class to share the news. Her teacher is very sweet and wanted Haley to tell the class what we had found out. So after sharing with her in the hall (she tried to mask her disappointment to it not being a girl), she went back in and stood there until the teacher had gotten everyone's attention. I was standing in the doorway holding Ella. Haley's message started like this, "Today my mommy went to the doctor and got her baby out to find out if it was a girl or a boy" At this point one of the boy's in class (not the sharpest boy by all means) points in my direction and says loudly "I see it, I see it!" I then realize he thinks Ella is the baby. A stretch by all means since she is 4 but he thought for sure she was the baby Haley was referring to. No grasp I tell you!
To finish off my wonderful day of bright comments made by children, Ella says to me "Mommy do each of your boobies have a suck thing or just one of them?"

I rest my case.

Top 10 Things That Let Me Know I'm Pregnant

Besides my huge belly of course...

10. I need help out of the bathtub.
9. I drive in the carpool lane when I am by myself (Is that legal?)
8. I have 8 inch roots and more gray hair then I care to see.
7. I bake a new batch of chocolate chip cookies daily because I ate the previous day's batch all on my own (hence the reason for #5).
6. I am 36 years old and layed in bed for an hour watching the Real World Challenge.
5. My butt is competing with my belly.
4. I wear the same maternity pants everyday.
3. I no longer recognize certain body parts.
2. My husband throws anything within reach of him during the night to get me to stop snoring (a condition that I seem to only have while pregnant). Seriously I woke up the other morning with a t-shirt, towel and his underwear on my head. None of which I think were clean.
And the #1 thing that lets me know that I am pregnant... My need for Depends every time I sneeze.

Daddy the Dentist

Please tell me that we are not the only ones that feel like the kids are running the show sometimes. We seem to have let the bedtime routine spiral way beyond what would be normal. I don't even know when it happened. Thankfully for me it requires much more work on Daddy's part than mine.
It starts with the "tootsie roll". This is where Daddy wraps them up in blanket so that no part of their body is showing. He carries them up the stairs to our bed where I have to be waiting in anticipation as he unrolls them (quite rapidly) so they spin out onto the bed. Just the beginning...
After "tootsie roll" Daddy becomes the dentist for Ella and Mommy becomes the dentist for Haley (I am not as much fun but Haley is old enough to not really care that much). This part is where they wait in the waiting room and get called in to get their "cleaning". Heaven forbid we call it "brushing" that ruins the whole routine. The "cleaning" starts with flossing and moves to pretend "numbing". We then continue with a lot of praise for how brave and good of a patient they are. Believe me when I say that at no point can we come out of character. It finally ends with a piece of cotton sticking out of their mouths for the pretend filling that got done. My job then is to be Mom again where I show great enthusiasm for how well they did.
You would think at this point we would be finished but the bedtime routine continues with cuddles, stories, pictures, kisses, and a whole lot of promises to come back and check on them with tummy rubs thrown in. No wonder I can never seem to get enough energy up after they are asleep to do anything more productive for the rest of the night.
Now you are probably wondering why we let it continue. I am not really sure. It might be the joy they get out of the whole charade. It might be that we feel that they will get tired of it and be done. Maybe it's just that I don't watch enough SuperNanny. But what I do know is that the other morning when Ella looked up into Chad's face and said, "Daddy, you know at night when you are the dentist? You're still my Dad right?" I think I can go a few more nights.

Brady Bunch Moment

I am not sure how I can tell this story and do it justice. There is just no way to get the tone and attitude through a post but I will try. I hope you all aren't too young to remember Brady Bunch and Jan's issues with her sister Marcia because you won't get the humor if you are.
Anyway Haley has been having some difficulty lately dealing with Ella. Most of the time they play great. The other night Haley called me into her room and told me that she had something to say but it wasn't nice and I wasn't going to like it. I probably at this point should have told her to keep it to herself but Haley doesn't often have horrible thoughts so my curiosity got the better of me. She cries, " I wish our family was just you, me and Daddy!!" Again where my parenting skills are sometimes, I have no idea, but I tried to encourage her that she really doesn't feel that way and her and Ella have great fun together. She then declares that she doesn't like Ella copying her, she makes a mess, and she ruins everything Haley makes. I told her to go to sleep.
The next day again with wishing Ella wasn't around. At bedtime she got even more upset because Ella got her bedtime cuddle before her. "She always goes first, it's not fair!!" and then out it came the phrase ..." Ella, Ella, Ella!" Chad and I both burst out laughing. Haley of course didn't see the humor but we realized what Jan Brady was feeling when she uttered it the same way. The scary part is I don't think Haley has realized yet that her life is going to be even more horrible in about 4 months! Pray for her!:)

The End of 2006

So I haven't blogged in over a month. Everyone has probably given up on my blog so I am not sure why I am starting a new post anyway. I felt pretty safe there for awhile. No one seemed to be blogging very frequently. Now you all have stepped it up, from new designs on your blogs (very nice Lauren) to deep, insightful posts that make me either laugh or cry. It makes it very hard to compete. Although I know you all are saying right now that it is not a competition, my insecurity forces me to still want to at least keep your interest with my posts. The picture included was taken by Haley with her new camera she got for Christmas.
Last night was a fun end to the year. All day long I kept thinking of better titles to songs and movies we could have come up with and my husband gave me a lecture on how "Say Anything" wasn't fair because you can't really draw "anything". I keep laughing out loud everytime I think of Lauren trying to throw everyone off by yelling out different topics. All in all I was reminded of how blessed I am to be surrounded by such incredible friends. Each one of you are amazing and special and I thank the Lord he led me to you. You truly enrich my life and I know that 2007 will be full of great moments just as 2006 was.

Thanks.